Help! My child is a biter

Biting is one of the behaviours parents find most upsetting. It can feel alarming, embarrassing, and deeply personal — particularly when it involves other children or repeated reports from childcare settings.

It’s common for parents to worry that biting signals aggression, poor boundaries, or future behavioural problems.

In reality, biting is a developmentally understandable behaviour, most often linked to communication, regulation, and impulse control — not intent to harm.

This article explains why children bite, what research tells us about the behaviour, and how to respond in ways that reduce biting over time.

What biting is — and what it isn’t

Biting is not about being “naughty” or deliberately hurting others.

It is most often a stress response or communication strategy used when a child does not yet have the skills to manage a situation differently.

Why children bite

Limited impulse control

The parts of the brain responsible for impulse regulation and emotional control develop gradually. When emotions rise quickly, children may react physically before they are able to think or use language.

Biting is fast, direct, and immediately effective.

Strong emotions in small bodies

Children experience emotions intensely but lack mature coping strategies. Frustration, excitement, fear, or feeling crowded can overwhelm the nervous system, leading to physical responses such as biting.

Communication difficulties

When children cannot yet express needs clearly — for example, wanting a turn, needing space, or feeling overwhelmed — biting may become a substitute for language.

Sensory needs

Some children seek oral or deep pressure input. Biting can meet a sensory need, particularly for children who frequently mouth objects or seek strong physical sensations.

Cause and effect learning

Biting produces an immediate reaction from adults and peers. From a learning perspective, this makes it a powerful behaviour, even when the child does not understand the social impact.

Stress and change

Biting is more likely during periods of transition or increased demand, such as changes in routine, developmental leaps, or environments with high stimulation.

What doesn’t help

Shaming or labelling

Calling a child “a biter” or framing the behaviour as bad increases stress and does not teach alternative skills.

Forcing apologies in the moment

When a child is dysregulated, they are not able to process social reasoning. Insisting on apologies often results in compliance without understanding.

Overreacting

Strong emotional reactions from adults can unintentionally reinforce the behaviour by increasing attention and intensity.

What helps reduce biting

Respond calmly and consistently

Intervene immediately to keep everyone safe, using a clear and neutral boundary:

“I can’t let you bite. That hurts.”

A calm response helps regulate the situation and prevents escalation.

Prioritise the child who was bitten

Attending first to the injured child reduces reinforcement of the behaviour and models care and empathy without forcing it.

Support emotional understanding after the moment

Once calm, help the child connect feelings to behaviour:

“You were frustrated when the toy was taken.”
“You needed space.”

This supports emotional literacy, which is strongly linked to reductions in aggressive behaviour over time.

Teach alternative responses

Children need clear, practised alternatives, such as:

• using a word or gesture
• asking for help
• moving away
• using an appropriate object for oral input if sensory needs are present

Practise these skills outside stressful moments.

Reduce predictable triggers

Patterns matter more than individual incidents. Fatigue, hunger, overstimulation, and difficult transitions all increase the likelihood of biting. Adjusting the environment can significantly reduce incidents.

When biting happens in group settings

Biting is common in early group care environments. Most children who bite do so for a limited period and stop as their skills develop.

Working collaboratively with caregivers is important:

• agree on consistent responses
• focus on prevention rather than punishment
• share information about triggers and strategies

Early biting does not predict long-term behavioural difficulties.

When to seek additional support

Extra guidance may be helpful if biting:

• is frequent and persistent
• causes injury
• increases rather than decreases over time
• occurs alongside other signs of distress or developmental difficulty

Health visitors, GPs, or early years professionals can help explore underlying communication, sensory, or emotional factors.

Conclusion

Biting is not a moral issue or a parenting failure. It is a sign that a child does not yet have the skills a situation demands.

The aim is not immediate elimination of the behaviour, but consistent support that builds regulation, communication, and alternative responses.

With calm boundaries, repeated teaching, and time, most children move through biting as their emotional and language skills catch up with their feelings.