At the moment there is a growing body of research and lived experience voices that shows that partners and fathers can experience trauma during pregnancy, childbirth and/or postnatally. Most of the literature to date has focussed on fathers but there is research going on into LGBTQI+ families as well as the impact for other birth partners such as grandparents. A 2024 review from Italy found in their group 6% of the fathers reported symptoms consistent with probable PTSD. A 2025 UK review of 312 non-birthing parents who were present for the birth of their first infant, found 49% experienced the birth they were present for as potentially traumatic and 10.1% met the criteria for PTSD.
So we know that potentially a large number of parents and fathers are starting the transition to parenting feeling traumatised and so it’s really important we recognise how this might present and how we might help.
Partners and fathers can find many of the same things traumatic that women and birthing people do, so this might mean feel afraid watching their partner in pain or fearing that both their partner and baby might be at risk, fathers and partners often describe poor communication and feeling left on the side lines and also feeling powerless and helpless. Pauline Slade, a researcher who has done a lot of work in this are spoke to fathers who described fathers calling childbirth ‘a rollercoaster of emotion’ and trying ‘to keep it together’ and helplessly watching the events unfold. One father told me he “felt like a ghost in the room”.
Fathers and partners can often carry a real sense of guilt and shame that they did not do enough and did not step into to support their partners enough.
Others can also feel they are not allowed to be traumatised as they were not the ones physically giving birth and this can play into feeling they need to be strong and protect their partners. Fathers can feel their trauma responses are unjustified and tried to cope through avoidance and just carrying on.
Added to this is the fact that some men struggle to come forward and access support so many never speak about their experiences of the birth. To help with this PANDAS and Make Birth Better developed a list of symptoms that people can see if they are experiencing and then take this to a healthcare professional to begin a conversation around support
Fathers and partners suffering from birth trauma can experience a range of symptoms similar to those women typically describe and these can last for months or even years. Sometimes people can feel numb initially and shocked and symptoms can take time to appear, or may appear in a next pregnancy.
People can describe trauma symptoms such as experiencing constant and intrusive memories of the events as nightmares or as visual images, feeling on edge and worrying that something else might go wrong, feeling angry, avoiding conversations about the birth, feeling disconnected, feeling guilty and to blame and perhaps using alcohol to try to manage their feelings and switch off their thoughts and sleep.
The impacts after ta traumatic birth can often cause a ripple effect not only for the person and their sense of the world but also can affect sexual intimacy, parenting, seeing friends and/or at work. So for example, sometimes fathers and partners describe feeling disconnected from their friends and feeling no one will understand their experiences or they may throw themselves into work to avoid thinking or feeling.
It is essential that fathers and partners recognize their trauma is totally valid and real and they deserve a space to feel heard and listened to.
There are lots of ways to think about support, I know it can feel daunting but people are there to listen and offer support and not to judge. How you feel after trauma si not a reflection of you or your parenting.
Find a way that feels more comfortable, this might be talking to a partner or a friend, speaking to your GP, looking online or in a peer forum or looking for support via counselling, anyone can self-refer to NHS Talking Therapies and they will try to prioritise new parents.
There are some growing and wonderful specific supports so you can also take a look at- Dad Matters UK, The Dad Pad and PANDAS and Make Birth Better:
Birth trauma in partners is a real and deserves support. Birth is not just about the birthing person, we need to support new families who are all affected in different ways. Recognizing that fathers and partners can also experience trauma is important for us to name, look out for and know where to signpost for help, care and recovery.
This article is for information and support only and is not a substitute for personalised medical advice. If you are struggling after a traumatic birth experience, speak to your GP, health visitor or a qualified mental health professional.
References
https://pandasfoundation.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2024/02/I-need-help-womenbirthing-people.pdf
